CON: Global Warming Threatens Future


Climate change, or leftist socialist propaganda perpetrated by the spineless hacks of the liberal base, created to terrorize and befuddle the masses? Hint: it’s the second one.

Let me dish out a dose of reality. Global warming is a hoax. Rather, what the term has come to mean in our modern society of blind urgency and reckless consumption of “science” that has infected the youth with treacherous implications.

Consider the following words: “Unless somebody can prove something to me, I believe there’s weather. I believe there’s change.” This philosophical gem was granted to the public by none other than the most dynamic name in politics, shrewd lewd businessman and presidential candidate Donald Trump.

Despite this wholesome helping of righteous rhetoric, there are still those who against all odds manage to defy his clarity and prophetic vision.

If this weren’t enough, Trump recently tweeted that “The concept of global warming was created by, and for, the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.” You heard it here first, folks: believers of global warming are in cahoots with and potentially are the descendants of Mao. Warn your kids.

“Now, I’m not saying there isn’t global warming,” junior John Clark said, “but I find it awfully suspicious that there is so much God-blessed snow nowadays.”

My sentiments exactly. If global warming were as cataclysmically urgent as the nail-chewing, nose-picking, science-knowing, fact-using weenies on the other side of this argument say, why in tarnation does our country remain trapped in the icy clutches of Jack Frost?

With all the flimsy evidence in support of the false grounds on which global warming thrives such as “land surface air temperature,” “ocean heat content” and “NASA,” one would think the general public would be able to see the weakness in their argument. However, there is still that group of ignorant baboons ever present within our school walls who will ramble until the end times about the impending disaster. Poppycock, I say.

Playing devil’s advocate for the moment, I offer the reader a tasty mental morsel to munch on in lieu of my game-changing assessment of global warming. Even in the most theologically treacherous and assuredly false world where global warming is real, why would some heat be such a bad thing after all? The visionaries from, “look forward to the additional rainfall from “the greenhouse (tremble, please) turning our deserts into lush, fertile plains.” This ingenious observation further illustrates the other side’s inability to see the greater picture.

I constantly hear the simplistic argument from the rabble about “floods” this and “drought” that. Then tell me this: why have there been even bigger snowstorms in places like Colorado, Tibet and the Arctic Circle? Exactly. Snow is damning evidence against global warming. There is simply no room for contention on this issue. The very existence of this argument reflects the dismal mental fortitude of today’s impressionable and gullible youth.